The cliches are as numerous as they are painful.

“You only realize what you got once its gone.”

“You ony want what you can’t have”

“Can’t live without her, can’t live with her…”

Okay. I’ll stop. 

As often as these phrases are thrown around, I really don’t think they explain all that much.

Guys often will idealize their ex girlfriend far more, after she decides to leave or after she cheats or leaves him for another guy.

In fact often guys won’t really feel heartbreak until they find out their ex girlfriend is with another guy.

What’s going on?

Jealousy

Even though there is a lot of social weirdness about admit to jealousy, this is a big part of it for guys, whether they choose to admit it or not.

Guys, even those who want to move on, often can’t because they just cant stand the idea of their ex being with another guy.

Yeah. I didn’t say it made sense, but this is often how it goes.

The emotion of jealousy is wired up in our heads because it motivates men to do and act in ways that make sure their offspring is their own. I go deep into jealousy in one of my other posts.

Guy are often jealous because…

• Their girlfriend cheated on them with another guy
• Their girlfriend left them for another guy
• They suspect their girlfriend left them for another guy
• They feel like if they don’t get her back, its just a matter of time before she finds another guy

Jealousy is a huge aphrodisiac, and this will make your ex girlfriend far more appealing to you.

Rosy retrospection

This is a cognitive bias, or a “psychological gliche” we all have.

Think about the last time you went on a mediocre trip or vacation, that you really didn’t have too much fun on…

Chances are, even though you may have been kinda bored on the trip, a couple of weeks later when you were working, in a dull class or having a boring day– you probably looked back on that trip and thought about how much fun it was.

We all do this one way or another.

Our minds often distort the memory of how things actually felt at the time.

So often, it is really easy to idealize how things actually felt with your ex girlfriend.

I go into this pretty deeply in one of my videos on How to get over your ex girlfriend 

Emotional estimation

Fantasies of getting back with your ex girlfriend can be soooo tantalizing.

The kissing, make up sex… The relief of all the emptiness and anxiety of not having her around.
Many “on and off” couple get addicted to this and it becomes a cycle.

But often, when it actually happens, it doesn’t feel quit as good as we imagined it would be. Especially if we have been fantasizing about it alot.

Often, people are really bad predicters of how a certain situation will make them feel.

Think about often things that you highly ancticipated just didn’t feel the way you thought they would.

New years party, graduation ceremonies, the first time you had sex… Often these can be really anti-climactic (so to speak).

Many on and off couple find that after they get back together, things dont stay as euphoric for very long, and often it wears off pretty quickly.

But often, just like any drug, the euphoria wears off. All the problems that were there before (even if they were only problems that she saw) will come back again.

This may sound like bullsh*%$ if you’ve been longing for your ex girlfriend for a while now, but ultimately no reality can meet the one that many guys build up in their head after fantasizing for so long.

Chemical withdrawal

Love is many things. A deeply personal and spiritual experience and its often the most connected people ever feel with another human being.

Its also a drug.

Literally.

Your body rewards you for being around your lover. Probably one of the most powerful chemical mixes your body can create is created during romantic love and it is said to more powerful than the effects of cocain.

And now you are going through a chemical withdrawal… And your ex girlfriend is the only one who can give your next fix.

When thats gone… Well. Ever see Basketball Diaries?

Being the source of all these good feelings, its pretty much impossible to not see your ex girlfriend as far more attractive after she isn’t there any more.