Her name was Patty. We met while in college, and soon were inseparable. We studied together, worked together, and soon were talking about marriage. I thought my life was complete. I soon found out that Patty didn’t feel the same way about me.

I should have noticed the changes in her. She lost weight and got a makeover. She even starting waxing her legs, something she had said before was worse than going to the gynecologist! Soon she kept talking about her friend named James, and spent many nights in front of the computer screen talking to James. At this point, I still had no clue about her love affair with James.

However, the relationship came to an end one night she asked me to drive her to a hotel so she could meet James, and packed her suitcase with sexy lingerie.

Okay, at this point even I figured it out. I drove her to the hotel, and then called it quits. She was so happy she even paid me for giving her a ride to the hotel.

Those days after the breakup were difficult. I had a tough time getting over my ex-girlfriend. I spent hours in bed, depressed and crying. I watched talk shows and ate ice cream. I had to buy bigger pants, but I sure felt better. I taped a picture of Patty up to my wall…then threw darts at it.

Soon I felt like I could face the world again. I felt like I got over my broken heart, and was ready to move on. I started exercising so I could work off all that ice cream. I started doing things that she never liked, such as leaving beer bottles on the table, leaving the toilet seat up, and walking around in my underwear. I never realized what pleasure those simple things brought to me.

Even though I felt better, I still wanted to get her back. My chance came one day when I was on a date with my new girlfriend and I saw Patty with James. James was talking nonstop about the stock market, and Patty looked bored stiff. I walked up to Patty, said hello, and told her I met my girlfriend when I stopped for dinner after I dropped her off at the hotel that fateful night. And I used the money Patty gave me for the ride to treat my girlfriend to some sexy lingerie.

John B., 39 – customer service representative

I will probably never truly get over my ex-girlfriend because I know now she’s the “one who got away.” I failed because I didn’t try, even when I thought I was. I was disrespectful, unfaithful and unappreciative. It’s only now, with years of perspective behind me, that I truly understand just how much I flopped at being a man. This is the story of my how I learned to survive a break up even when I wanted to get her back.

We met in college through mutual friends, ending up together because my roommates were dating her roommates. I think it turned to love faster than I expected and after the honeymoon phase wore off, I was scared by how much I loved her. I wanted to be cool and macho, and deny that I needed anyone to hold me up when I was down. But I did, and I needed her. By this time I was completely overwhelmed with depression, which was not related to our relationship, but was its ultimate end.

My depression affected my actions, what I never said and what I denied I felt. She was so good to me and I did everything I could to push her away. Our relationship was cyclical, depending on my moods. Sometimes we were together for days on end; other times I would camp out at my house and dodge her phone calls, which was easy to do in the days before cell phones. After a particularly rough point in the third year of our tumultuous relationship, I cheated on her. She found out about the other woman after we’d gotten back together again, but her knowledge of my behavior was the last straw for her. She left me for good. And I was left to learn how to get over a broken heart.

Shortly after learning my girlfriend was really breaking up with me, I sought professional help, where I dealt with my depression and finally came to terms with the fact that I’d lost my soul mate and would never get her back.

Being able to put this all into words gives it life and reality that never existed back then. A lot has happened in both of our lives over the last twelve years, but I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of excitement when I learned that she was recently divorced. I think that means I may never get over my ex-girlfriend.

Paul Douglas 34 –  Journalist

“Hey, can we go someplace private? We need to talk.”

If my girlfriend told me something like that today, I’d know what was coming. I’d be able to mentally prepare myself for getting dumped a few minutes ahead of schedule. Because those words can only mean one thing: she wants to break up with me.

At the time, though, I wasn’t a wise as I am now. I was just a freshman in college, enjoying my first serious relationship. Ah, so she wants to talk? Great! This’ll be fun. I love talking to her.

Do I need to dwell on the details? We’ve all heard it. It wasn’t me, it was her. We had some great times and she knew I would find somebody new who could give me what I was looking for, and she really, really hoped we could still be friends. She didn’t understand, any more than I did, that getting over a broken heart isn’t easy.

I didn’t quite process all this as it happened. Again, I was young and little naive. Today I can at least see the warning signs that the end is near. But then, it seemed to come out of nowhere. She might as well have told me she was alien and was leaving because she had to report back to her home planet. It sounds a little clichéd, but the feeling was exactly like being punched in the gut. I know it’s called heartbreak or heartache but isn’t really the gut that feels the worst of it? But the pit of my stomach was crying out in pain. How could I get over a broken heart if I couldn’t even get over a broken gut?

This happened twenty minutes before I had to go take a final for one of my classes. The girl wasn’t cruel, by the way. She misheard something I’d said earlier, and thought I was meeting her on the way from the test. When she realized her mistake, she was mortified. But in fact, maybe it was for the best. Thanks to the final, I had something to take my mind off the pain.

It reminded me there were other things in life, and that helped in getting over the heartbreak. It took some getting used to being single again, but soon enough I was back on my feet.

- Chris, 26, Graduate Student

To people who have never had one, relationships are like the movies, perfection in every moment of the day. For some people, this may be the case, but I was never that lucky. My relationship, as perfect as I thought it was, didn’t last. At first, I was blinded by her beauty. Every inch of her body, her face, the way she moved invited me in. I finally got up the nerve to ask her to dinner and I was surprised to receive a yes for an answer.

After a few months, I thought it was love. I loved everything about her and it made me happy to see her happy. About the time we hit the seven month mark in our relationship, I accepted a new job helping one of my old friends, as a landscaper. This required more hours away from the house and we even traveled to other nearby cities to do work. The time away caused fighting and we slowly started to drift apart.

One day, I woke up to a note on the pillow next to me. It said, “I love you but I cannot put myself though this any longer” and she was gone.

The sudden nature of the break up and pain of the broken heart devastated me. I felt empty, the silence in the spaces around me that my ex girlfriend used to fill was like a booming noise in my ears.

I knew I had to try to get her back. I tried calling her and she never answered. She was never home when I tried to visit her at home. Eventually I told myself I had to move on and as hard as it was to get over a broken heart, I kept trying.

The months after the break up were hard but I slowly started to move on. I found small things in my everyday routine that made more sense and I focused on them to keep me motivated. I found fun in my boring routine and once again I liked waking up in the morning.

Although breaking up was hard, I found that by accepting the separation and finding new ways to heal the hurt I was feeling inside, it was much easier to survive the break up. I finally realized that I was getting over my ex girlfriend and I was okay with it.

Josh Ranguel – 28, Landscaping Business Owner

I was in college, in my twenties, and in love. With Noel. She was amazing: smart, funny, confident, and someone else’s. Yep, she had a boyfriend. Still, we became friends, good friends. The kind of college friends who cuddle on the dorm bed as we watched television; obviously, it was becoming “something.”

We were getting closer, she was seeing me more, and her boyfriend, well almost never. Then, one day she said that they’d broken up, and soon we were a couple, and her (ex) boyfriend was now out of sight and our of mind.

Things were great for two years. It was October – I was set to graduate in May. She wasn’t graduating, yet. We had both gone away to college far from home, and upon graduation I intended to return from whence I came, and we had planned, those two long years, for her to follow me. But I quickly learned how fast things change, and how fast heartbreak can come.

One day she came by and told me that she wanted to share an apartment with a male friend of hers. She assured me they were “just friends.” I said, “no way,” that no girl friend of mine was going to live with some dude. That went over well. She left, angry. The next day she came over and said she was moving in with him anyway. She then suggested that we needed to take, wait for it… a break. Yep. She said it. I’ll spare you the details and we’ll just say – the onset and pain that comes when that broken hearted feeling blindsides you.

A couple weeks later I ran into a friend of hers; it happened to be a very attractive friend, one Noel had often expressed jealousy of. I asked her out – what better way to get over a broken heart than to put a new person between you and the old one?

Later that week, Noel stopped by my dorm to pick up some clothes she had left at my place. Knowing she was coming, I strategically hung a picture of me and my new flame where she couldn’t miss it. I saw her eyes flick to it, and watched her visibly flinch. Was that the shadow of jealousy, maybe even regret, that I saw pass her face? I like to think so. And while it still took me some time to get over the broken heart, replaying her flinch in my mind helped the heartache – a lot. Of course, time did the rest.

Sky, 38, teacher

My ex-girlfriend and I had met in college. Call me a late bloomer, but she was my first love. We did everything together and would visit each other when school was out. She was a senior by the time I graduated. That year, we saw each other once in the fall. Halfway through spring semester I hadn’t seen her at all, then I got the phone call. I don’t recall what she said exactly, but it was short and sweet – the typical “I need some time for myself” jargon.

In my manliest voice, I called my best friend and told him the news. Three years together and she ended it just like that. I was hurt, but the man-rules dictate that you never display emotion. He told me that it may bad for a while, but to give it time and keep busy. He then told me I’d feel much better in three days, he called it the “three-day hump.” I believe this “hump” may better apply to over-eating at Thanksgiving than a break-up.

After we had just broken up we were still linked through a social networking site. Some sleuthing found her getting awfully close to another guy – and here I thought she needed her “alone time”…

I deleted her. In a final act of barbarism, I blocked her as well.

I realize there are many ways to heal a broken heart. Some people write angry letters and never send them. Some find another girl immediately after, called a “rebound.” That night, I nursed my heartache with a few pitchers at a local dive bar.

That night, my friend gave me more advice, which all seemed a lot easier said than done. It was difficult listening to him – he has a new girl every week. The bar doubled as a karaoke lounge and liquor tends to give me, what I call, “Sinatra powers.” Being a true friend, he successfully kept me from singing “My Way,” or any other male empowerment song. I owe him for that.

I do think that girls have it easier. A girl doesn’t have to deal with heartbreak for too long, there will always be a guy or two to keep her busy. I didn’t date for a long time. I haven’t had a serious girlfriend since, nothing that has lasted more than a couple months, anyway.

A few months later, she began calling me. She tried to be friends, then hinted at getting back together. When I declined, she proceeded to curse me out via e-mail, text message, and voice mail. I flexed my man muscle yet again and had her e-mail and phone number blocked. It seems to me that she is no expert in coping with a break up either. But even through all of this, I have no ill-will towards her. I just think she needs some time for herself.

Charles D., 24, Engineer

It was a cliché line I never wanted to hear from my girlfriend.

I dreaded those words. But after almost eight months together, they came.

She called me on the phone on a Sunday evening. I remember it was a Sunday evening because I had just finished watching The Simpsons. After a brief hello – which sounded awkward – those words that let me know our relationship was almost over left her mouth.

She said: “We have to talk.”

I drove to the parking lot where she worked, got out of my car and entered hers. She didn’t waste any time breaking up with me and telling me that we just didn’t have and ‘chemistry’ anymore. I had kind of sensed it coming, but didn’t want to admit it to myself. She had always said that as long as I didn’t cheat on her, we’d be together. Well, she lied. I didn’t cheat on her.

It was a ‘chemistry’ issue. As she sat there talking about all the things that were wrong with our relationship and why it wasn’t working, I just nodded. I was too in shock to really listen. I was devastated. A big part of me wanted to explain myself, to fight to get her back. But pride won out and I kept my mouth shut. This led to a night that just kept getting worse.

On the way home, I contemplated what happened. It seemed like there was still a small time window for me to go back and win her over. It’s even possible it was all a test to see how much I cared about her. But something led me back home. And when I shut the door behind me, I knew it was over for good.

What I didn’t know was how tough it was to get over a broken heart. I never thought I would have to deal with breaking up with her, yet there I stood, my knees weakening faster than my heart. I attempted to walk up the steps, but collapsed. While remaining conscious, I couldn’t find the energy to walk. I shed many tears as I crawled up each step. It took over a half an hour to get to the second floor.

Once in my room, I asked myself how I could possible survive this break up. She was everything to me. She changed my life for the better, gave me hope, and let me know that it was possible to be loved. Despite the pain, I knew I had to get over my ex girlfriend. It seemed the most difficult chore of my life at the time, but I did my best to go out and socialize with other co-eds to keep my mind off her. It was the only potential way to get over my ex-girlfriend.

The amazing thing about it all is that a few months later we met up as friends. A friend of hers happened to be with her.

To make a long story short, that friend of hers is now my wife, and an amazing woman. I’m glad I never gave up hope.

Nick Tyler
35
Investor

Believe it or not, the girl I had the hardest time getting over was never even my girlfriend. Technically speaking. It was someone who, after just a couple dates, let me know that she wasn’t really interested in pursuing anything beyond friendship. But pursue friendship we did, over the course of several years and long-distances…

I put far more resources into that “friendship” than any romantic relationship I’d ever had. I was in love with my friend, and not being able to move it to another level was heartbreaking in itself and it was nearly killing me.

But the idea of ending our friendship — false as it may have been — and not spending time with her, killed me even more.

A long while down the road, I told her I loved her. But I did it by email, because I was a coward — in case you hadn’t already gathered that. I also threw in everything that I thought was wrong between us, in the hope of convincing her that my love was strong enough to make it all right. I was young and in love and not thinking straight, and I shouldn’t have done that.

She responded with one of the angriest emails I’ve ever read, and cut off all contact with me. They say you hurt the ones you love most, right? Maybe that proved we actually did have something, but it was gone. After all the connection we had built over all that time… I was very heartbroken and I knew that getting her out of my head and getting over her was going to be impossible.

I was so upset that for about four months, I had no appetite. The broken heart hurt my whole being… I would force myself to eat a tiny salad with lettuce, cottage cheese, and peach slice for lunch. I knew I needed to eat something, and that was all I could stand. At dinner I’d slowly get down about a fifth of whatever the cafeteria was serving, which wasn’t much.

I also went to a counselor about that time, just to make sure I wasn’t crazy, because it seemed crazy to be not be over a girl after that long, who I had never even “gotten serious” with. The counselor assured me I was going to be okay, and shortly after that I was.

The upside? At the end of those few months I’d lost twenty pounds! This was weight I could easily stand to lose. So for all the heartache and emotional pain, I came out in better health in the end. Sometimes it really is better to have loved and lost.

I should have known the end was coming. Now that I look back, the signs were there: my beloved Amy was about to leave me. It might have been quicker and cleaner if I had acknowledges those damn signs. Hell, maybe I could have even saved the relationship. I was too scared, I think. The first sign was when she invited her sister’s brother-in-law to join us when we went to see “The Break-Up” with Jennifer Aniston. Amy said he was on leave from the Marine Corps, visiting his brother and her sister and was eager to get away from their three little boys for an evening. I could see they were having a great time…Amy and the brother-in-law, I mean. I tried to ignore the way they talked and laughed at each other’s jokes.

Next, Amy started canceling dates or making up reasons she couldn’t see me. I even caught her in an outright lie one time when I ran into her at a restaurant with some of her friends after she had told me she was going to be out of town. I never said anything about it, though. Later, I found myself coping with my broken heart by listing in my mind all the things I should have said: “It’s over, Amy. I can’t be with someone who would lie to me.” I wonder if my wounded heart would have healed much faster if it had gone down that way.

The breakup happened on New Year’s Eve. I hate New Year’s Eve. I tried to remember what I had gotten her for Christmas that year. Maybe it was lame and that’s why she broke up with me. It took me about a month to remember. I had gotten her an aerobics tape. Well, that was not all I gave her. But I do think that tape might have been the straw that…you know. She said she wanted the tape. She even wrote it down. We had been watching a movie at my place and the tape was advertised on TV. She wrote it down and said it looked like a good one. When she left the note on my end table I figured it was a hint that I should buy it for her. So I bought it. I gave it to her in a little Christmas stocking with a picture of glittery red shoes from the Wizard of Oz on the front. I put the tape in the stocking along with a heart-shaped necklace with matching earrings I bought at J.C. Penney’s for $99.

I guess my friends got tired of watching me break down after the breakup. My sister gave me the name of a therapist and said I should call her. I did call, but not before I tried to heal my broken heart through a series of dates with girls I met through an on-line dating sight. I thought it helped when some pretty girl told me I was handsome and she could just not understand why Amy had broken up with me. It did make me feel better. There were even a couple girls I thought would turn out to be the one. But none lasted more than 3 or 4 dates.

I saw the therapist just three times and she was brutal. As soon as I sat down on her couch I started crying and she handed me a box of tissues. That was nice. I told her about Amy at our first visit and about the internet dates on the second visit. At our third session, which lasted just 54 minutes, I started out crying, like always. Then, that therapist turned on me.

“Look at you”, she said. “You are a mess. I am not surprised these dates don’t last. Anyone who would be attracted to you the way you are would certainly not be someone you would want to be with a year from now.”

She told me to stop trying to get some woman to fix me and start working to fix myself.

She was probably right. It took five and a half months for my broken heart to heal after that. I spent those months reconnecting with some friends who had shied away from me. I think all the crying and going over the tragedy of my breakup was too much for them. So I swore off talking about Amy or even allowing myself to think about her. I went to movies with Sam, fishing with Aaron, and even took my little nephews to Chuck E Cheese a couple times. When I was ready, I got on line again:

Ronnie Hopgood, looking for a serious relationship. Age: 33 Occupation: Lab Technician Interests: Old movies and new relationships.

Ronnie – 33, Technician

When I met Rebekah, through mutual friends, it was apparent that she stood out from the crowd. I had heard about her from so many of my guy friends long before I laid eyes on her. All of them had, in failed attempts, vied for her attention. Apparently she had a long term, long distance boyfriend that no one had laid eyes on. Once I saw her, I decided I was going to win her over.

Persistence seemed to win over Rebekah. I constantly flirted, complimented and simply paid quite a bit of attention to her. I figured that if her boyfriend was long distance, then she would be starving for a bit of quality attention. After about a month of hard work, and some slight cheating on her part, she and her boyfriend ended up breaking up. I could not have been more thrilled. And all my friends were slightly annoyed that I had some how pulled off what they had determined was impossible.

Our relationship never became official. There were many meals out together, evening’s downtown with friends and plenty of movie watching at my house but she never wanted anything too serious. Unfortunately for me, after putting all this effort into Rebekah, I had gotten hooked. She got scared and some how ended up back with the previous guy.

For a girl I never really had wanted to date in the first place, you would think I would have done a better job avoiding getting attached. It actually ended up being heartbreaking. I knew Rebekah was just getting out of a relationship with someone else and I knew that she was not looking for anything serious from me. Yet, I still became attached to her and I paid for it. The relationship heartbreak was the worst because my friends could not really sympathize after I had stolen her away.

Over the next few days and weeks, I assumed, after seeing that my hard work paid off in the beginning, that I could win her back. I thought our non-relationship had not actually experienced a break up. As heartbreaking as it sounds, I just acted like nothing had changed. I would text her multiple times a day, which she would respond to and I continued to go to parties and bars that I knew she would be at. I focused most of my time and effort on her. Eventually Rebekah told me all the attention was making her uncomfortable and it was smothering her. After a few months, I just let the situation go and actually went out of my way to avoid her, the only way I could get over her. Even today, it still hurts to run into her or to see her out with other guys.

Andrew Henderson, 28, Systems Engineer