Getting over my ex-girlfriend was a long road for me, literally! There was a nine-hundred mile stretch from her house (where I found her cheating) to mine.

I was once a quiet, painfully shy kind of guy. I didn’t venture out much. Meeting a girl in general public was virtually non-existent for me.

So, way back when open chat rooms were ridiculously popular, I found myself self-confined to my dark and dreary house, additively glued to the front of the computer monitor every day after work.

That’s when I found her.

She was the love of my life (or so I thought at the time). We spent months on the phone together. She’d whisper sweet nothings into my ear every night as I sat there absorbing it all up into my lovesick heart.

The time came. I had to visit.

The first umteen trips went great.

I had it in my mind that I was going to move there; replant myself in a foreign state where I knew no one but her. I was going to marry her—the love of my life!

Until…

It just so happened, after scraping the bottom of my piggy-bank, I found just enough money for a (yep, you guessed it) surprise visit.

Oh, how surprising it was, indeed.

I drove sixteen hours to find the one who swore would never lay her eyes on another man…on TOP of another man. I’m not sure if her eyes were open or not, but I had a feeling it didn’t matter much to her.

I never said a word, never made a sound. She never even knew I was there.

UNTIL…

I was stuck in her driveway because my car wouldn’t start. I was crankin’ on that son-of-a-bitch like I was stalled on a railroad track and I could see the train coming at a hundred miles an hour.

I hold the record for the longest stretch of road-rage in history; nine hundred miles of red-eyed, mind-blowing madness.

Surviving the breakup was difficult. For months afterward, it seemed as though I was dreaming. She was all I had consumed for a solid year. Suddenly, she was gone—an emptiness words can’t explain.

But, in the end, I pulled myself out of the mud and soldiered forth.

Since breaking up, she has tried to contact me several times, trying to win my heart back. Ha! Dream on, hooker!

Don Compton, 30, Chat Room Moderator

It has come to my attention that mending a broken heart is much easier when the person with the broken heart is a female. Females have multitudes of heartbreak routines and a steadfast support system of friends. When a girl gets her heart broken, the immediate remedy is ice cream and The Notebook. After her eyes can no longer produce tears, the circle of girlfriends comes over to bad mouth the heartbreaker. The circle of girlfriends and the heartbroken girl hit the clubs, the mall, or anywhere else where males run rampant. A rebound relationship complete with pictures to plaster all over social networking sites proves that her heart is whole again.

Yes, so much easier being a woman with a broken heart. However, for all the males out there, it is a much more complicated process. My girlfriend and I had been going out for eighteen months. I thought everything was going just dandy. Then, the complaints started.

“Why can’t you express your feelings?”

“Why can’t you ever be romantic?”

“Why is it always physical with you?”

On and on and on it went. I tried appeasing her grumbles. I tried to limit the amount of time spent on adult activities. I tried throwing out sentences filled with love whenever I could. I tried to please her, but the complaints piled up and soon she was fed up. After eighteen months with the girl I thought I was going to marry, it was over. She was my first love. I was eighteen, and she was seventeen. It was over.

She asked me not to contact her anymore, to make the healing process easier. I tried to focus on my own healing process, yet I did not know how to go about it. This was my first time trying to get over a broken heart. Going to my male friends was not an option. It is said men are not sensitive. This might be a stereotype, yet I found it all too true in regards to my friends. I went into a period of depression. I relived all of our memories repeatedly. What had gone wrong? What could have been different? The few girlfriends I had were amazing and pulled me through. One girl in particular was extremely effective. We went to the same college, and she spent time counseling me every day. She sure was effective. So effective, in fact, that she became my new girlfriend! Five years later, we are still together, engaged and with no complaints!

Tom Whindfield, 23, Algebra II teacher

I didn’t date in high school. I barely had crushes, I didn’t know how. Flirtation was a language I’d never learned, and dating was a completely different country.

It’s no stretch to say that I was kind of a nerd, but I had friends and she was one of them. The Christmas after I graduated high school, she went for it. She kissed me! I asked her to be my girlfriend, she agreed and everything was great.

One week later she called me up and told me she wasn’t ready for a relationship yet, but of course, we could still be friends.

Being just friends meant we could go to dinner, ride our bikes in the park, talk for hours, hold hands, even snuggle together during a movie. It was exactly like dating, except without anything concrete.

Since she was technically my ex girlfriend, I finally told her I needed some space. Getting over an ex can be hard, even harder when you’re still sort-of-not-really dating. She asked why I needed space, so I finally called her out. I told her I still had feelings for her, and I needed to know if she had feelings for me.

She did, but she valued our friendship too much to mess it up with a relationship.

Seriously. getting over her was hard. We stopped talking. The first week was the worst. Every time I was bored I would pick up my phone and then remember that I couldn’t call her. Over the past 2 years she had not only been my best friend, but my only friend.

I dated other people, but always found myself fantasizing about a way to get her back. I would imagine her showing up on my front porch in the rain, begging for me to forgive her. It never happened.

Eventually, we got back in touch online. One day I got an e-mail from her, telling me she still thought of me, and sometimes thought of leaving her boyfriend for me.

I should have been thrilled, but instead I was mad. I thought about how she had jerked me around for years, and how she didn’t really want me, she just wanted me to want her.

After so many years, I see how she and I would have grown apart no matter what. A relationship would have been a disaster, but so was our friendship, so what’s the difference?

Finally getting over her took me six years and we only really dated for a week. I’m sure that must be a world record.

R. Miller, 26, Student

“Jane” and I were attached at the hip the moment we saw each other.

I began to feel heartbreak just within a couple of weeks into the relationship. I had applied for a job out of state prior to meeting her, and as luck would have it, I began to get requests for more information and interviews. Things were going so good for Jane and I that I did not let the thought of leaving deter the natural progression of the relationship. We became closer. She met my children and I met her son. He was a great kid and he captured my heart as she did.

When I was offered the job, I knew I had to accept it. Breaking up with Jane was something that I did not want to do. Even though we had only known each other a couple of months, my feelings for her were strong enough that I asked to her go with me. She declined. It was heartbreaking to hear that although she loved me, she was not willing to give up the stability she had to move with me. I had a choice to make. I made the wrong one.

Jane helped me pack my moving truck. As I pulled the door down on the truck, the tears started to flow. This break up was the hardest I had ever had to bear. There was something about this woman that I did not want to let go of. We listened to a couple of sentimental songs on the radio as we hugged, kissed, and cried our goodbyes.

I settled into my new job and life. Jane and I talked less and less. It was heartbreaking for me to hear her voice so I think I just avoided it. Eventually our communication dwindled down to a few friendly emails here and there. We both started dating other people.

Jane is happily married now with three children. I never have found anyone to fill the hole in my heart that she left. I recently talked to her. I finally got to tell her that choosing my job over her was the worst decision of my life and I will forever have to live with the heartbreak that I have caused myself. I wonder if she feels the same.

“Michael”, 40. A radio personality

It was one of the most beautiful Sunday mornings I could remember, as she stood before me vulnerable, emotionally wracked and helplessly pleading. My eyes are empty as I search for a reason to get her back. She demands to why I don’t want to fight for her. She is beautiful in her short shorts, rumpled tee shirt, and hair that still smells like morning.

More than ever, I want to reach out and hold her. I want to hold on until forgetfulness sets in and everything is right with us again. Alas, my phone rings and I insist that I must answer it. She stares and glares, confused as to why she has pushed me into a corner and I won’t push back.

We were in love just a month ago. Although we had been together for five years, our relationship still had the new car smell. Yet, underneath that smell, there was some old food under the seat. Something that is rotten and forgotten. That’s why I stayed out too late. That’s why she returned my calls an hour later than she should have. I thought she could do better. She knew that she could. For a longtime, we told each other that love was enough until it was all we had. Then we said the words and realized there was an ocean between us. Then I kissed another girl.

Of course, that kiss did not lead to our breaking up. We were already a bunch of frayed nerves, disingenuousness, and anger. No, the kiss confirmed that she really could do better.

A drunken mishap, with a girl that could never measure up to my ex girlfriend, told me everything that I needed to know about myself. My clumsy pawing and feigned regret told me one thing. My dishonesty told me everything else.

I became colder and more distant. I was convinced that she would see what was obvious and do what was necessary. She called me and challenged me. I was evasive…. She said we should end it and I weakly agreed. I would get over the broken heart. So, what the hell is she doing here this morning, Sunday morning, wondering why I won’t fight for us? I am silent. It is better this way. You can do better than me. She leaves in a rush. The girl in my bathroom slinks out, gets dressed, kisses me on my forehead, and leaves.

I disgust myself.

Louis Meadowbank, 30, self-employed

I will probably never truly get over my ex-girlfriend because I know now she’s the “one who got away.” I failed because I didn’t try, even when I thought I was. I was disrespectful, unfaithful and unappreciative. It’s only now, with years of perspective behind me, that I truly understand just how much I flopped at being a man. This is the story of my how I learned to survive a break up even when I wanted to get her back.

We met in college through mutual friends, ending up together because my roommates were dating her roommates. I think it turned to love faster than I expected and after the honeymoon phase wore off, I was scared by how much I loved her. I wanted to be cool and macho, and deny that I needed anyone to hold me up when I was down. But I did, and I needed her. By this time I was completely overwhelmed with depression, which was not related to our relationship, but was its ultimate end.

My depression affected my actions, what I never said and what I denied I felt. She was so good to me and I did everything I could to push her away. Our relationship was cyclical, depending on my moods. Sometimes we were together for days on end; other times I would camp out at my house and dodge her phone calls, which was easy to do in the days before cell phones. After a particularly rough point in the third year of our tumultuous relationship, I cheated on her. She found out about the other woman after we’d gotten back together again, but her knowledge of my behavior was the last straw for her. She left me for good. And I was left to learn how to get over a broken heart.

Shortly after learning my girlfriend was really breaking up with me, I sought professional help, where I dealt with my depression and finally came to terms with the fact that I’d lost my soul mate and would never get her back.

Being able to put this all into words gives it life and reality that never existed back then. A lot has happened in both of our lives over the last twelve years, but I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of excitement when I learned that she was recently divorced. I think that means I may never get over my ex-girlfriend.

Paul Douglas 34 –  Journalist

To people who have never had one, relationships are like the movies, perfection in every moment of the day. For some people, this may be the case, but I was never that lucky. My relationship, as perfect as I thought it was, didn’t last. At first, I was blinded by her beauty. Every inch of her body, her face, the way she moved invited me in. I finally got up the nerve to ask her to dinner and I was surprised to receive a yes for an answer.

After a few months, I thought it was love. I loved everything about her and it made me happy to see her happy. About the time we hit the seven month mark in our relationship, I accepted a new job helping one of my old friends, as a landscaper. This required more hours away from the house and we even traveled to other nearby cities to do work. The time away caused fighting and we slowly started to drift apart.

One day, I woke up to a note on the pillow next to me. It said, “I love you but I cannot put myself though this any longer” and she was gone.

The sudden nature of the break up and pain of the broken heart devastated me. I felt empty, the silence in the spaces around me that my ex girlfriend used to fill was like a booming noise in my ears.

I knew I had to try to get her back. I tried calling her and she never answered. She was never home when I tried to visit her at home. Eventually I told myself I had to move on and as hard as it was to get over a broken heart, I kept trying.

The months after the break up were hard but I slowly started to move on. I found small things in my everyday routine that made more sense and I focused on them to keep me motivated. I found fun in my boring routine and once again I liked waking up in the morning.

Although breaking up was hard, I found that by accepting the separation and finding new ways to heal the hurt I was feeling inside, it was much easier to survive the break up. I finally realized that I was getting over my ex girlfriend and I was okay with it.

Josh Ranguel – 28, Landscaping Business Owner

My ex-girlfriend and I had met in college. Call me a late bloomer, but she was my first love. We did everything together and would visit each other when school was out. She was a senior by the time I graduated. That year, we saw each other once in the fall. Halfway through spring semester I hadn’t seen her at all, then I got the phone call. I don’t recall what she said exactly, but it was short and sweet – the typical “I need some time for myself” jargon.

In my manliest voice, I called my best friend and told him the news. Three years together and she ended it just like that. I was hurt, but the man-rules dictate that you never display emotion. He told me that it may bad for a while, but to give it time and keep busy. He then told me I’d feel much better in three days, he called it the “three-day hump.” I believe this “hump” may better apply to over-eating at Thanksgiving than a break-up.

After we had just broken up we were still linked through a social networking site. Some sleuthing found her getting awfully close to another guy – and here I thought she needed her “alone time”…

I deleted her. In a final act of barbarism, I blocked her as well.

I realize there are many ways to heal a broken heart. Some people write angry letters and never send them. Some find another girl immediately after, called a “rebound.” That night, I nursed my heartache with a few pitchers at a local dive bar.

That night, my friend gave me more advice, which all seemed a lot easier said than done. It was difficult listening to him – he has a new girl every week. The bar doubled as a karaoke lounge and liquor tends to give me, what I call, “Sinatra powers.” Being a true friend, he successfully kept me from singing “My Way,” or any other male empowerment song. I owe him for that.

I do think that girls have it easier. A girl doesn’t have to deal with heartbreak for too long, there will always be a guy or two to keep her busy. I didn’t date for a long time. I haven’t had a serious girlfriend since, nothing that has lasted more than a couple months, anyway.

A few months later, she began calling me. She tried to be friends, then hinted at getting back together. When I declined, she proceeded to curse me out via e-mail, text message, and voice mail. I flexed my man muscle yet again and had her e-mail and phone number blocked. It seems to me that she is no expert in coping with a break up either. But even through all of this, I have no ill-will towards her. I just think she needs some time for herself.

Charles D., 24, Engineer

Believe it or not, the girl I had the hardest time getting over was never even my girlfriend. Technically speaking. It was someone who, after just a couple dates, let me know that she wasn’t really interested in pursuing anything beyond friendship. But pursue friendship we did, over the course of several years and long-distances…

I put far more resources into that “friendship” than any romantic relationship I’d ever had. I was in love with my friend, and not being able to move it to another level was heartbreaking in itself and it was nearly killing me.

But the idea of ending our friendship — false as it may have been — and not spending time with her, killed me even more.

A long while down the road, I told her I loved her. But I did it by email, because I was a coward — in case you hadn’t already gathered that. I also threw in everything that I thought was wrong between us, in the hope of convincing her that my love was strong enough to make it all right. I was young and in love and not thinking straight, and I shouldn’t have done that.

She responded with one of the angriest emails I’ve ever read, and cut off all contact with me. They say you hurt the ones you love most, right? Maybe that proved we actually did have something, but it was gone. After all the connection we had built over all that time… I was very heartbroken and I knew that getting her out of my head and getting over her was going to be impossible.

I was so upset that for about four months, I had no appetite. The broken heart hurt my whole being… I would force myself to eat a tiny salad with lettuce, cottage cheese, and peach slice for lunch. I knew I needed to eat something, and that was all I could stand. At dinner I’d slowly get down about a fifth of whatever the cafeteria was serving, which wasn’t much.

I also went to a counselor about that time, just to make sure I wasn’t crazy, because it seemed crazy to be not be over a girl after that long, who I had never even “gotten serious” with. The counselor assured me I was going to be okay, and shortly after that I was.

The upside? At the end of those few months I’d lost twenty pounds! This was weight I could easily stand to lose. So for all the heartache and emotional pain, I came out in better health in the end. Sometimes it really is better to have loved and lost.