I remember trying to get over my ex pretty vividly. In fact, it took about six or seven months, I’d say, to really get over my ex girlfriend Jess. I tried to get her back relentlessly but nothing was really working! Eventually I figured it all out though – and no, it didn’t have anything to do with getting too drunk to remember the entire relationship!

Jess was the most beautiful girl on the planet to me. I probably would’ve done anything for her. Now I’m not usually like that when it comes to girls, I’m more of the love ‘em and leave ‘em type, but Jess finally settled me down for a while. We were together for a long time. Like three years or so. That’s a real long time for me.

So when it came time for me to ship out to Iraq for a thirteen month long tour, I was hoping we could stay together. Surprisingly she told me she didn’t really have any interest in that. Her career was taking leaps and bounds and was going to involve her traveling alot and I don’t think she felt like having to miss me all the time. Still doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me but like I always did with Jess I respected her wishes.

Getting over her was rough, luckily I had a lot to distract me overseas but I still thought about her all the time.

I found that getting over her was almost like waging a miniature battle in my head that always left me mentally spent and exhausted. But eventually I moved on.

I still think about her a lot and I am glad that she helped straighten me out as a person. God knows I needed it! I look back now and think about all the times we had together and how she helped me improve myself. I feel positive about the whole situation. Let’s just say I might still love some and leave some, but I think I’ll be hanging around the strip clubs a little less from now on.

While I’ll always remember her and save a place in my heart for her,  though difficult, getting over my ex girlfriend showed me a lot about my resilience as a person. Now I’m ready to kick some ass overseas and face a whole bunch of other challenges that I can’t even begin to describe.

Ever just wanted the world to go away and leave you alone? Ever felt like crawling into a hole and pulling in the dirt behind you?

That’s what I felt like during the whole process of getting over my ex girlfriend. Now I’m a guy’s guy, I would say: I like Clint Eastwood movies and beer. So those two things alone pretty much seal the deal as far as manliness is concerned. Let’s be clear…I’m no wuss. But I fell, and fell hard for this red haired she-devil.

And let there be no doubt, she was a devil. The sex was fantastic. Her body was fantastic. Her temper was…not so fantastic. It was argument after argument after argument. But then there was sex, sex, and more sex. Which was great, but I rapidly learned that even the best sex can’t atone for her calling you a bastard (or worse) every time little Miss Perfection didn’t approve.

I never knew getting over an ex would be such a long, tortuous journey. I experienced things I never thought I would experience.  I lived dangerously, drove faster than ever, and drank much more heavily. Just to get over her… and get her out of my blood and numb my brain until I couldn’t even see her in my mental haze.

But getting over her was the most surprising thing I ever experienced. I listened to the singing of Cher, among other things. That alone is enough to drive any self respecting man insane.

This lasted for the better part of two months. We would drift apart and then the urge would hit and I’d go to her like a moth to the flame. And we would fight and I’d feel terrible for a week. But slowly, I got better at the recovery. I didn’t need so much beer. I didn’t need to get that thrill of speed to forget her. And most of all, I didn’t need to listen to Cher anymore. She just depressed the heck out of me.

And in the end getting over my ex girlfriend was a lesson in self endurance and self preservation. It was long and painful, but I did learn a lot about myself and what it means to be in relationship. Don’t let anyone fool you. Being in love is an addiction, because breaking up and then trying to get her back is an experience that is best described as detox. Pure and simple.

Steve Edwards, 39, IT analyst

I remember it like it was yesterday. I thought Sarah and I were in it for good. I loved her very much. I had introduced her to my family and my friends adored her. But then, all of a sudden she ended it. According to her, we were not spending enough time together. Apparently, we were always hanging out with friends in a group and were never doing anything together as a couple. I did the initial begging and groveling at her feet, after which she literally threw me out of her place.

So there I was, lovesick, frustrated and quite at lost. I drowned my sorrow in drinks and the comfort of the very friends for whom apparently Sarah broke up with me. They bought me countless rounds of drinks, took me to the newest clubs in town and never mentioned my “ex”.

I was having a tough time referring to Sarah as my “ex girlfriend”. But I knew I had to get used to it…

I knew the drill for I had helped a few of my buddies get over their broken hearts. I knew I would forget her and everything would work out fine. I would meet someone, fall in love and life would be hunky dory again.

But it wasn’t easy to get over my ex girlfriend. Any brunette like my ex would have me longing to get her back. At pubs, any woman ordering a Cosmopolitan would remind me of her. I would relive the way she turned the olive in her drink, left it soaking before chewing on it slowly with relish. If someone put 60s or 70s music on the jukebox, I would be taken back to the evenings when we would have take-out Chinese at home and listen to endless replays of The Beatles and Dylan.

Each time this happened, I would try to snap back out of it and tell myself repeatedly to forget her. Each time my fingers itched to dial her number, just to listen to her voicemail message, I would tell myself to call my mother instead! And trust me, my mother was surprised for she had no idea why I was calling her so many times a week.

Therapy did not work, neither did blind dates set up by friends. Days rolled into months before I realized that it had been almost half a year since breaking up with Sara. And one day, I snapped. While I realized it was hard to survive a break up, I decided to talk to myself once and for all. That did the trick. Every time afterwards, I went over the breakup in my mind, I forced myself to try to look ahead.

Gradually, I opened up more to my friends’ efforts and starting going out with new people. I can now listen to The Rolling Stones without breaking down in tears. I can have a sane conversation with any Cosmo-guzzling date. The only person not so happy is my mother. For now that I am back on track in my life, she does not get so many calls from me anymore!

Joseph Flint,  25, computer programmer

She left me before she actually moved out.

The distance between us kept growing, but I was working so hard I didn’t notice at first. Then one day I was eating breakfast, looking around the apartment, and I realized half of our crap was missing. I’m not the most observant guy in the world, but even I eventually notice when the cat’s gone.

That’s when the break up and the confession came. She’d been slowly moving everything she considered hers out of the apartment since Christmas. As it was currently April, I had to applaud her sense of stealth or risk having to acknowledge my own obliviousness.

Getting over an ex is never easy, but it’s especially hard when she’s still living with you. Getting over her was going to be impossible no matter where she was.

Apparently all her stuff was at her mother’s because she was still saving for a place of her own. I thought about being the bad guy and telling her to get the hell out right now, but that would have made getting her back a lot harder, and at the time I was determined to get her back.

Obviously I’d been doing something wrong. Working too much, paying too little attention to her, something that had made the idea of staying with me a real chore. I started dressing better, wearing that cologne she gave me that smelled like rotten apples, even helping out around the apartment. (There was a lot less stuff to clean – apparently everything that was good besides the TV was firmly in the “hers” pile.)

Once it was out in the open, then it really began to feel like the relationship was ending, as she moved into the guest bedroom. There was nothing but the rock hard futon her sister gave her in there. It was kind of humiliating to realize she preferred sleeping on it to sharing a bed with me.

Even more humiliating when I realized she didn’t always sleep alone in there. She didn’t rub it in my face, but it got the message across.

Getting over her happened slowly. My ex girlfriend lived with me for two months after we officially broke up and it was the most wonderful, awful time. I entertained fantasies of us working it out, her realization that I was the only one for her. It never happened.

I got the cat back, though. At least she lets me watch the Playboy channel.

Mark Street, 24, retail manager

Believe it or not, the girl I had the hardest time getting over was never even my girlfriend. Technically speaking. It was someone who, after just a couple dates, let me know that she wasn’t really interested in pursuing anything beyond friendship. But pursue friendship we did, over the course of several years and long-distances…

I put far more resources into that “friendship” than any romantic relationship I’d ever had. I was in love with my friend, and not being able to move it to another level was heartbreaking in itself and it was nearly killing me.

But the idea of ending our friendship — false as it may have been — and not spending time with her, killed me even more.

A long while down the road, I told her I loved her. But I did it by email, because I was a coward — in case you hadn’t already gathered that. I also threw in everything that I thought was wrong between us, in the hope of convincing her that my love was strong enough to make it all right. I was young and in love and not thinking straight, and I shouldn’t have done that.

She responded with one of the angriest emails I’ve ever read, and cut off all contact with me. They say you hurt the ones you love most, right? Maybe that proved we actually did have something, but it was gone. After all the connection we had built over all that time… I was very heartbroken and I knew that getting her out of my head and getting over her was going to be impossible.

I was so upset that for about four months, I had no appetite. The broken heart hurt my whole being… I would force myself to eat a tiny salad with lettuce, cottage cheese, and peach slice for lunch. I knew I needed to eat something, and that was all I could stand. At dinner I’d slowly get down about a fifth of whatever the cafeteria was serving, which wasn’t much.

I also went to a counselor about that time, just to make sure I wasn’t crazy, because it seemed crazy to be not be over a girl after that long, who I had never even “gotten serious” with. The counselor assured me I was going to be okay, and shortly after that I was.

The upside? At the end of those few months I’d lost twenty pounds! This was weight I could easily stand to lose. So for all the heartache and emotional pain, I came out in better health in the end. Sometimes it really is better to have loved and lost.

The scene was a pathetic one. There I was, seventeen and on the white sandy beach watching the waves crash on the Florida shore. I was a ball player, athletic and tanned. Bikinis were as plentiful as grains of sand; but I was oblivious to them and the bodies inside them.

My parents thought there might be something terribly wrong with me. My parents didn’t see the chaos going on inside me because I wasn’t over her yet. Dad even dusted off his old drugs and alcohol lecture just in case that was the problem.

Drugs or any kind of fun was the last thing on my mind. I couldn’t look even look at a beer. This was the summer before my senior year, I was in the sunniest place in the world and all my mind could focus on was my ex-girlfriend and the breakup that had me in a million little pieces.

I had left the Midwest happy. I kissed her goodbye and everything was great. She was great. After years, I had found a girl who got me. She was cute and sweet, not beautiful maybe, but she didn’t have to be. She was intelligent and interesting and made every other girl in my high school look like a waste of time. I was the luckiest guy in town, and then I blew it.

The worst part of it all was that I had no idea how I blew it. I sent her a gold necklace in the mail. We talked on the phone every night. I loved this girl. One phone call ended in a small argument. It wasn’t a major fight. I was bored and missed her terribly, and like an idiot I took it out on her. She broke up with me, end of story. But, there had to be more.

Dad was close to throttling me out of my funk. I was ruining the summer, but I couldn’t help it. The last straw was the morning I cussed out a little seagull skittering down the beach in front of my feet. Dad ordered me to get over it then and there.

I thought the picture would be clear when I got home. I figured if I at least knew why I would be able to move on and get over her. There wasn’t. There was no other guy… At least thats what she said. We spoke in the halls when school started again, but it was almost like there was no acknowledgment of what had happened. No explanation ever came my way. I was so confused that I didn’t even try to get her back.

What did I learn from that breakup? I learned that I understood exactly nothing about women. Trouble is, not much has changed since then.

-K. B. Ryan, 37, sales

So how did I get over my ex girlfriend? It wasn’t easy. The first cut is the deepest for a reason. I was dating a girl several years ago that I thought hung the moon. She was blonde, leggy and beautiful. Her eyes were deep blue and I thought she was the one.

The only problem was she wasn’t into marriage. She was a television reporter who wanted to move on to the network. Her career goals were way beyond me. At the time I thought the breaking up was all to do with me. In retrospect, I would finally learn it was more about her and there was absolutely no way I’d ever get her back.

I should have seen the signs of the relationship breaking up sooner. She said little things like “I hate the idea of marriage” and “I’m using you just for sex, is that okay?”. That would be alright with most guys but not when you are head over heels and want to keep a relationship going.

The writing was on the wall and on New Year’s Eve she decided to drop the bomb. She decided in her New Year’s resolution to get a new job. That meant she was heading to a different city once that happens. She finally told me she wanted to break up. I was devastated. It was my first real relationship. Now I had to think about the options.

Should I scheme to get her back or just try to move on? The first thing that helped was talking with everyone I could about the break up. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy to get over my ex girlfriend.

The next thing I did was my put myself in situations where I could meet other girls. Like many guys, getting over an ex girlfriend sometimes takes meeting a new one. I still wanted to get her back but my ego just wouldn’t allow me to try that. In my heart I knew the only way to survive a break up like this was to move on and start seeing other girls.

So I went to parties and events just to meet new women. I was trying to get over the break up but it just didn’t seem to work until I kissed the next girl. I didn’t have sex with her. I almost couldn’t stomach that since I was trying to still forget about the ex girlfriend. With each kiss it made things a little bit better. Finding new prospects is the easiest way to get over an ex girlfriend. Breaking up was painful but kissing someone new was sweet.

That wasn’t the only girl I kissed. I moved on to the next girl and the next. After kissing 5-6 different women over the course of the next 2-3 months I felt as if I were ready to move on. The opportunity to meet someone new had helped me survive the break up. P

lus there was always a little inspiration from others who had gone through tough break ups. You’ll be surprised once you talk with most guys or girls how many have had a broken heart. In fact, nobody I ever talked to about it said they had not experienced a painful break. Trying to get over an ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend was good common ground and “group” therapy. Seeing new girls and seeing the opportunity to find new love was even better.

Chris Jones
Age 27

I met this girl, lets call her Ryan, on what I guess could be described as a blind date. Basically, my best friend was friends with her best friend and the two of them decided we should all go out together because they were determined that Ryan and I would hit it off.

My best friend was definitely right; I hit it off with Ryan immediately. She was unlike any other girl I had ever met; fun, outgoing, athletic, a bit stubborn and also slightly hotheaded. She was intelligent in a way that impressed you, instead of putting you down. She could be anything from the cute girl next door to down right hot. In a matter of a few weeks, we were inseparable. Something I had never been too anxious to do with another girl. Weeks turned into months and months turned into years. Before I knew it, our lives had essentially melded together and we were living together with plans to move to France to follow her dream job. The job fell through but off to Europe we still went for three months, only with backpacks and Eurorail passes. During this trip, I started to think about proposing to her over Christmas when we returned. Everyone kept telling me she was the one and it truly felt like the next step.

After we got home from Europe, things got a little sidetracked. We both had to find jobs and that disrupted our schedules and the distance seemed to grow. Ryan was very unhappy in her career and I was assuming that was where the tension was coming from. Then one day, she called and said she was driving over. I could tell something was wrong, so I asked if she had had a bad day at work. She started crying and said that we were over. Just like that, my entire world came crashing down on me. When she arrived, I started to quiz her on what happened, where did this come from, and the like. All she could tell me was that she knew I was not the one for her. There were few other details.

This was nearly a decade ago and getting over her took quite a bit of time. I never found out anymore details about what exactly happened. Getting over her and what she had done was so difficult. I do not think she cheated on me and it did not seem that there was another guy. I tried so hard after she broke up  to get her back. I strived to become the guy that I thought she wanted me to be, which only drove her further away. I have to admit, I became a mess, getting over her seemed almost impossible. I would drive to her apartment, invite her out to fancy dinners and have flowers delivered way too often. This went on for probably two months. Eventually, my ex girlfriend quit returning my calls. The times we saw each other got fewer and fewer and she basically completely moved on with her life. She quit being friends with most of our joint friends and I would only hear about her in passing.

For the most part my life has been fairly normal since and people are surprised to find out I had this almost fiancé that simply disappeared from my life. Getting over my ex girlfriend this time around was the most painful thing I have gone through, especially when I never understood what occurred to make the breakup happen.

Robert Painter, 31, Property Developer

Coming home to that empty apartment was more than I could face in the beginning. I remember the crazy afternoon when I found her message written on pink notepaper stuck to the fridge. I guess it wasn’t as bad as being dumped in a text message like my friend Ray, but the fact that I didn’t see it coming was a complete shock.

“Dear Jack,” Tina’s message read, “I’m sorry to leave you this way, but I’m sure you must know that things just aren’t working out.”

NO, I did NOT know that things weren’t working out!

Her message continued, “Please forgive me for not having the courage to say goodbye to your face. If I had to look you in the eyes and say it, I don’t think I could leave.”

And that’s supposed to make me feel better about the fact that I’ve just been dumped?

The rest of the message was the typical stuff about how was her and not me, yeah right.

I had a lot of trouble trying to get over her because, unlike your typical ex-girlfriend, Tina continued to hang out in the same clubs that we used to frequent as a couple. She was the one who walked out, so why should I have to change my whole social routine just to avoid her? I decided not to try to avoid her, and I figured that seeing her with other men might even help me in getting closure and mentally ending the relationship. You guessed it, I was wrong!

I suppose the hardest part was that Tina seemed to not only have moved on, but it appeared she had already forgotten that I ever existed. We had lived together for eight months! How could she be enjoying herself so completely mere minutes after walking out the door? I felt humiliated.

Until one evening when I was sitting at the bar, staring at Tina and hiding from her at the same time while she was in a corner booth laughing with some guy. The bartender was passing me my drink when a slender hand reached out and took it from him. I turned to see the most beautiful woman in the world sipping my drink.

I guess she had been reading the expression on my face as I was watching my ex because she called me out… “Looks like you haven’t gotten over her… Even though she’s clearly moved on.” the angel said, nodding toward Tina.

“Oh, um…” I turned to her. “I don’t even know that girl, I was just trying to watch the game on the screen behind her.”

My name is Jack Faver, I’m 28 years old and I am a construction manager.

I first met Erin about fifteen years ago through mutual friends. We’d always had a great platonic relationship, but then a few years ago an evening of beers and karaoke ended with our first kiss, and began our tumultuous romance.

We began our romantic relationship very intensely, moving in together within just a couple of months. Thanksgiving of that year, I asked Erin to marry me, and she joyfully agreed. We lived together in relative bliss for a while, planning our wedding and enjoying domesticity.

Unfortunately, after several months of this, things began to change. My mother became very ill, and I began to withdraw from Erin. Perhaps because of this, she fell back in to bad habits of drinking too much, which led to depression and increased frustration on my part. We tried going to couples’ counseling, but even with that we were becoming progressively more miserable. Basically we kept fighting and getting back together, back and forth.

In retrospect, what I did next was unthinkable. One night in July, Erin made dinner as usual and we watched some television. Before we retired, I asked her if she wanted to go see a movie the next day. She replied that she would love to, looking happy and hopeful. We set off the next afternoon, and I informed her I had to stop at her mother’s house to pick something up. This wasn’t unusual — we went over there all the time. When we arrived at her mother’s house, we both went inside, and Erin went to use the bathroom while I ostensibly looked something up in the phone book.

When she came out, I told her it was over, that she couldn’t come back to the house, and I didn’t want to talk about it. I drove away as she stood in the doorway, stunned and frozen. Looking back at that now I can only imagine how heartbroken she was… At the time though I was totally numb to it.

After that day, the only times I saw or spoke to Erin were when she called about her things and came to pick them up. I refused to talk to her otherwise; refused to ever discuss what had happened between us.

Once the dust settled I realized what I had done. It took me a long time to move on and get over her after that, and really I don’t know why I committed such a cowardly act. I regret it to this day. For the longest time I blamed my actions on the effects of my mother’s failing health or Erin’s drinking and depression, but truthfully, I think was just scared and I chose to take it out on her by breaking up. I hope someday she’ll find a way to forgive me.

Mark R. – 34, graphic designer