I didn’t date in high school. I barely had crushes, I didn’t know how. Flirtation was a language I’d never learned, and dating was a completely different country.

It’s no stretch to say that I was kind of a nerd, but I had friends and she was one of them. The Christmas after I graduated high school, she went for it. She kissed me! I asked her to be my girlfriend, she agreed and everything was great.

One week later she called me up and told me she wasn’t ready for a relationship yet, but of course, we could still be friends.

Being just friends meant we could go to dinner, ride our bikes in the park, talk for hours, hold hands, even snuggle together during a movie. It was exactly like dating, except without anything concrete.

Since she was technically my ex girlfriend, I finally told her I needed some space. Getting over an ex can be hard, even harder when you’re still sort-of-not-really dating. She asked why I needed space, so I finally called her out. I told her I still had feelings for her, and I needed to know if she had feelings for me.

She did, but she valued our friendship too much to mess it up with a relationship.

Seriously. getting over her was hard. We stopped talking. The first week was the worst. Every time I was bored I would pick up my phone and then remember that I couldn’t call her. Over the past 2 years she had not only been my best friend, but my only friend.

I dated other people, but always found myself fantasizing about a way to get her back. I would imagine her showing up on my front porch in the rain, begging for me to forgive her. It never happened.

Eventually, we got back in touch online. One day I got an e-mail from her, telling me she still thought of me, and sometimes thought of leaving her boyfriend for me.

I should have been thrilled, but instead I was mad. I thought about how she had jerked me around for years, and how she didn’t really want me, she just wanted me to want her.

After so many years, I see how she and I would have grown apart no matter what. A relationship would have been a disaster, but so was our friendship, so what’s the difference?

Finally getting over her took me six years and we only really dated for a week. I’m sure that must be a world record.

R. Miller, 26, Student

One of the things about getting dumped is that when it happens a second time around with the same girl, it can be more than just a bit heart-wrenching. When she tells you that she doesn’t want to see you anymore over the phone, it can be twice as bad, and when you’ve just spent a college binge weekend experimenting with controlled substances her news can throw a monkey wrench straight through the carefully laid out scientific blueprints floating around your cranium.

What really helped me get over my ex was not the fact that I was totally too wrecked to comprehend what was going on. While intoxication did take a large portion of the sting (and my potential to react to it) out of the equation…

Tamiqua, (which is not her real name) and I had dated for longer than I was able to readily erase from my memory banks. For a long term solution, I had no choice but to take the hard road to surviving a break up, and for those of you out there in similar situations, I’m afraid your fate is similar.

When you’ve developed feelings for another human being, and cultivated your reaction to those feelings through habitual association and intimate contact with them, the only way to let them go is to wait it out. Once destiny separated Tamiqua and I, the inevitable progression of time, which I spent tackling the hefty goal of chatting up every woman at my university, made us eventually forget those deep associations. Emotions, positive or negative, build with experiences, and moods often attract similar dispositions.

If you’re having trouble getting over her, it’s not because she was that important to you, but rather because if you’re not actively trying by thinking about someone(s) else, then you’re not trying correctly. That may sound harsh, but what you should aim for in all aspects and stages of relationship development/destruction is similar to the old maxim “work smarter, not harder.” if you constantly need to do hard work to maintain your communication at a comfortable level, it usually means the relationship isn’t that much fun anymore, so let your attention wander, just be honest with yourself about it. When your direction splits from hers, take it as a blessing, as Tamiqua went on to birth beautiful babies with the next cat she met.

“Brickbeard” 26, Buccaneer fan

I don’t think I will ever forget my worst break up. Back in the day I worked full-time to pay for college. I was dirt poor, but had huge dreams. However, the parents of the girl I was in a relationship with had even bigger dreams for their little princess. Unfortunately, I was crazy about this girl. She was very much out of my league, but very much into me. Her parents were millionaires and she was terribly shallow, but I didn’t see that. Now, while those two things do not always necessarily go hand in hand; in this case, they did.

A major contention with her parents was my motorcycle, and for this reason I guess they considered me a “bad boy”. Me? I was the guy who got picked on in high school and just wanted to make something of myself. We persevered though, declaring our undying love for one another; until one really bad day.

Her parents called me and asked me to come over and meet a few close friends of the family. Her parents hated me so, and  although my radar was going ballistic, I went. I tried to get in touch with my girl, but she couldn’t be reached. I got there and her parents ushered me in. There on the couch was my girlfriend with this blond guy with pecks, legs and arms like tree trunks. Turns out, her parents had been working that angle for a while. Needless to say, he had her out with him soon after that. She never even bothered to formally break it off with me. I was crushed over the relationship break up.

What ensued in the next two weeks was not pretty, and this is in no way intended to be taken as advice to anyone who has had a recent break up. I can only say what worked for me.

After the break up, in a nutshell, booze. I drowned myself in anything that wouldn’t drink me first. I didn’t go to school and was fired from my job. I wouldn’t shower, nor would I climb out of my boxers.

I became “King of the Crooners” by night and “King of the Losers” by day. My friends had finally seen enough. They started circling the wagons after one too many sad Karaoke songs. After three months I rejoined the living. Without them I may have never gotten over the break up.

Jared D, 41,  writer

I remember trying to get over my ex pretty vividly. In fact, it took about six or seven months, I’d say, to really get over my ex girlfriend Jess. I tried to get her back relentlessly but nothing was really working! Eventually I figured it all out though – and no, it didn’t have anything to do with getting too drunk to remember the entire relationship!

Jess was the most beautiful girl on the planet to me. I probably would’ve done anything for her. Now I’m not usually like that when it comes to girls, I’m more of the love ‘em and leave ‘em type, but Jess finally settled me down for a while. We were together for a long time. Like three years or so. That’s a real long time for me.

So when it came time for me to ship out to Iraq for a thirteen month long tour, I was hoping we could stay together. Surprisingly she told me she didn’t really have any interest in that. Her career was taking leaps and bounds and was going to involve her traveling alot and I don’t think she felt like having to miss me all the time. Still doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me but like I always did with Jess I respected her wishes.

Getting over her was rough, luckily I had a lot to distract me overseas but I still thought about her all the time.

I found that getting over her was almost like waging a miniature battle in my head that always left me mentally spent and exhausted. But eventually I moved on.

I still think about her a lot and I am glad that she helped straighten me out as a person. God knows I needed it! I look back now and think about all the times we had together and how she helped me improve myself. I feel positive about the whole situation. Let’s just say I might still love some and leave some, but I think I’ll be hanging around the strip clubs a little less from now on.

While I’ll always remember her and save a place in my heart for her,  though difficult, getting over my ex girlfriend showed me a lot about my resilience as a person. Now I’m ready to kick some ass overseas and face a whole bunch of other challenges that I can’t even begin to describe.

When Belinda moved in, it was the beginning of the end for us. Granted, we had been seeing each other for over a year, and quite often spent the night in each other’s beds, but something about cohabitation triggered the breakdown of our relationship. In retrospect, all of my actions proved unwise in my attempt to get over my ex girlfriend.

I could say there was a myriad of reasons behind our breaking up, but that wouldn’t really be true. Honestly, the sex just became terrible. When Belinda moved in, a certain complacency set it, and she seemed to treat me more like a roommate than a boyfriend. Most of my attempts at intimacy were brushed off, and when she did succumb to my advances, it seemed forced and she seemed uninterested. When I finally confronted her with this harsh reality, a sad fight/discussion ensued, with tears flowing from both of us.

Belinda told me she just didn’t find me sexually attractive anymore, and I had to admit I felt the same way. We still had an emotional connection and a friendship, but it was clear the romantic aspect of our relationship was over. However, most problematically, she now lived in my house and didn’t really have anywhere else to go.

Belinda had a home-based web business, but work had slackened over recent months. She also wanted to buy her own house, and continuing to live with me would be a good way for her to save money.

In the spirit of continual friendship, I agreed to let her stay, which was definitely a mistake when trying to survive a break up. Our relationship became increasingly tenuous, and although I never wanted to get her back, there were moments when I was tempted to crawl back in bed next that familiar body.

The worst part after the break up came when I attempted to start dating other people. In conversations, Belinda assured me that I was free to see whomever I wanted, but that attitude did not go over in practice.

When I finally met a woman I really liked, Belinda threw constant little passive-aggressive fits, and my possible new love was eventually scared away by all the drama. At that point, I had to get over the broken heart by loosing the new girl while still having to deal with the juvenile behavior of my ex girlfriend. Finally, after a year of this, Belinda closed on her house and got out of my hair, but I can’t really say we are friends any more. Sadly, the other girl never came back.

Ever just wanted the world to go away and leave you alone? Ever felt like crawling into a hole and pulling in the dirt behind you?

That’s what I felt like during the whole process of getting over my ex girlfriend. Now I’m a guy’s guy, I would say: I like Clint Eastwood movies and beer. So those two things alone pretty much seal the deal as far as manliness is concerned. Let’s be clear…I’m no wuss. But I fell, and fell hard for this red haired she-devil.

And let there be no doubt, she was a devil. The sex was fantastic. Her body was fantastic. Her temper was…not so fantastic. It was argument after argument after argument. But then there was sex, sex, and more sex. Which was great, but I rapidly learned that even the best sex can’t atone for her calling you a bastard (or worse) every time little Miss Perfection didn’t approve.

I never knew getting over an ex would be such a long, tortuous journey. I experienced things I never thought I would experience.  I lived dangerously, drove faster than ever, and drank much more heavily. Just to get over her… and get her out of my blood and numb my brain until I couldn’t even see her in my mental haze.

But getting over her was the most surprising thing I ever experienced. I listened to the singing of Cher, among other things. That alone is enough to drive any self respecting man insane.

This lasted for the better part of two months. We would drift apart and then the urge would hit and I’d go to her like a moth to the flame. And we would fight and I’d feel terrible for a week. But slowly, I got better at the recovery. I didn’t need so much beer. I didn’t need to get that thrill of speed to forget her. And most of all, I didn’t need to listen to Cher anymore. She just depressed the heck out of me.

And in the end getting over my ex girlfriend was a lesson in self endurance and self preservation. It was long and painful, but I did learn a lot about myself and what it means to be in relationship. Don’t let anyone fool you. Being in love is an addiction, because breaking up and then trying to get her back is an experience that is best described as detox. Pure and simple.

Steve Edwards, 39, IT analyst

“Hey, can we go someplace private? We need to talk.”

If my girlfriend told me something like that today, I’d know what was coming. I’d be able to mentally prepare myself for getting dumped a few minutes ahead of schedule. Because those words can only mean one thing: she wants to break up with me.

At the time, though, I wasn’t a wise as I am now. I was just a freshman in college, enjoying my first serious relationship. Ah, so she wants to talk? Great! This’ll be fun. I love talking to her.

Do I need to dwell on the details? We’ve all heard it. It wasn’t me, it was her. We had some great times and she knew I would find somebody new who could give me what I was looking for, and she really, really hoped we could still be friends. She didn’t understand, any more than I did, that getting over a broken heart isn’t easy.

I didn’t quite process all this as it happened. Again, I was young and little naive. Today I can at least see the warning signs that the end is near. But then, it seemed to come out of nowhere. She might as well have told me she was alien and was leaving because she had to report back to her home planet. It sounds a little clichéd, but the feeling was exactly like being punched in the gut. I know it’s called heartbreak or heartache but isn’t really the gut that feels the worst of it? But the pit of my stomach was crying out in pain. How could I get over a broken heart if I couldn’t even get over a broken gut?

This happened twenty minutes before I had to go take a final for one of my classes. The girl wasn’t cruel, by the way. She misheard something I’d said earlier, and thought I was meeting her on the way from the test. When she realized her mistake, she was mortified. But in fact, maybe it was for the best. Thanks to the final, I had something to take my mind off the pain.

It reminded me there were other things in life, and that helped in getting over the heartbreak. It took some getting used to being single again, but soon enough I was back on my feet.

- Chris, 26, Graduate Student

To people who have never had one, relationships are like the movies, perfection in every moment of the day. For some people, this may be the case, but I was never that lucky. My relationship, as perfect as I thought it was, didn’t last. At first, I was blinded by her beauty. Every inch of her body, her face, the way she moved invited me in. I finally got up the nerve to ask her to dinner and I was surprised to receive a yes for an answer.

After a few months, I thought it was love. I loved everything about her and it made me happy to see her happy. About the time we hit the seven month mark in our relationship, I accepted a new job helping one of my old friends, as a landscaper. This required more hours away from the house and we even traveled to other nearby cities to do work. The time away caused fighting and we slowly started to drift apart.

One day, I woke up to a note on the pillow next to me. It said, “I love you but I cannot put myself though this any longer” and she was gone.

The sudden nature of the break up and pain of the broken heart devastated me. I felt empty, the silence in the spaces around me that my ex girlfriend used to fill was like a booming noise in my ears.

I knew I had to try to get her back. I tried calling her and she never answered. She was never home when I tried to visit her at home. Eventually I told myself I had to move on and as hard as it was to get over a broken heart, I kept trying.

The months after the break up were hard but I slowly started to move on. I found small things in my everyday routine that made more sense and I focused on them to keep me motivated. I found fun in my boring routine and once again I liked waking up in the morning.

Although breaking up was hard, I found that by accepting the separation and finding new ways to heal the hurt I was feeling inside, it was much easier to survive the break up. I finally realized that I was getting over my ex girlfriend and I was okay with it.

Josh Ranguel – 28, Landscaping Business Owner

When it came to surviving a break up, no one had it worse than me. I had dated a girl in college and it seemed like the right one — her name was Alison. Alison actually worked up the courage to talk to me, and we hit it off nicely. Alison though was more interested in getting a warm body to be married to than anything else.

Instead of just a steady relationship that might develop into something more, Alison wanted to skip all that and go directly down the aisle. Well, that left me feeling like a rat in a cage, and even after I tried to end the relationship four months later, I couldn’t do it. She actually came down and told me that if it was not going to work out, she would be the one to decide it.

Two months later, I had to do the breaking up when I found out from her friend Trish that she had been dating my only other male friend at the time, Jim, for nearly 3 months and started sleeping with him just two days after going out with him. Trish was a true friend and helped me get over the broken heart in a hurry with funny lines like since they were both terminally obese, how the baby would weigh about 30 pounds, or that she was glad I was out of the relationship because I didn’t look good in black and white stripes.

Over the next several weeks, this brand of humor kept me sane as I was getting over my ex-girlfriend but the last laugh came about four months after the breakup. My friend was still living at home with his mom and his mother bluntly put her foot down and told Jim that if he married Alison, he was going to be on his own. Fearing that he was actually going to have to work for a living, he ended up breaking it off with her. Her initial plot was to go out with him so that I would attempt to get her back, but since this friend of mine was nothing but a nuisance and my relationship had more problems than it was worth, I simply cut ties to both of them.

In the weeks and months that followed, I missed having someone in my life but my friends helped me get over it with a few beers, some dancers and making other connections to wonderful people.

Scott, 37- Accountant