The reality is most guys never do anything about this area of their life.

Most guys languish about and wait for the pain to go away.

They sit and stew in the pain only for them to find that months or EVEN years later they haven’t moved on.

They live in the SHADOW of their last relationship and they walk around carrying the baggage from the fallout everywhere they go.

They never get a sense of having a “fresh start” because they’re still living in the past.

And most of the time, they don’t even realize they are doing it.

If you spend the next few weeks actively doing whatever it takes to get over her…

Here in a few weeks everything about your ex girlfriend will be old news and the “cloudiness” you’re waking around will lift.

You’ll no longer worry about how things are going to be without her…

You’ll no longer have to worry about running into her or seeing her with another guy because you literally “won’t care”…

You’ll no longer be living in the past and you’ll have the energy to attract other, BETTER women into your life.

And if you do run into her she will sense that there is something changed about you, and unconciously she’ll respect you for having the strength to move on…

Its a strange irony that getting over your ex girlfriend may be the only way you may ever be able to rebuild anything with her in the future in the first place… But since she isn’t going to be around while you’re getting over her she isn’t going to be able to see it, and you won’t have the gratification of showing her.

Change the mindset from “I want to get over my ex girlfriend” to “How do I get over my girlfriend”…Sadly most of the time most guys don’t know the difference. They don’t actively look for solutions, because… Let’s face it, as men we have been socially conditioned to think that we aren’t supposed to look for help.

So instead guys do what they the see in the movies…

All of which, we’ve seen by know actually just makes things worse.

The quicker you move on from the “ending of the relationship” to the “getting over the relationship” part the better…Once you have fully accepted what has happened, whether you want to or not, then it just becomes a matter of how to…

How to not think about your ex girlfriend all the time…

How to not give in to the powerful urge to call her…

How to let go of the fantasies of the two of you reuniting…

How to get a to a place where you literally ‘don’t care’ anymore because you have other things going on in your life.

Once the ordeal with your ex girlfriend becomes “old news” and you can actually enjoy being single…Although being single may be the last thing you want when you think about her… Eventually another girl will come along…

And when she does if you are still feeling the VOID left by your ex girlfriend…

She is going to sense that you are desperate to fill that empty space…

Your next potential girlfriend will sense this as “neediness” and she will pass you by because of it…

So if you want to replace your ex girlfriend with a girl that is better for you…

Then you need to get over her FIRST.

And sitting around and waiting for that to happen is not how you do it.

Getting over her is something you DO, not something you wait for…

Takeaways…

• Create conditions in your life that will help you get over her automatically.
• Understa

  nd that time is NOT going to heal you by itself.

• Get this area of your life handled now so it doesn’t get in the way of other areas of your life like work, school, social life or your opportunities with new girls…

Watch the “4 Ex Girlfriend Mistakes Video”

If you are really broken hearted then there is no two ways about it…

The good news is how much pain and fast you heal is up to you…

There is basically two ways you can handle the coming days or weeks.

Avoid the pain… Keep fantasizing about your ex girlfriend and how you can get her back.

OR…

Facing the heartbreak and pain directly and getting through it.

When you actually accept that there is pain ahead you then something really interesting happens.

When it actually comes… Its not going to be as bad as you think.

This kind of a “jedi mind trick actually”.

If you tell yourself now that…

“Nights and weeks are probably going to be the toughest…”

“It might be hard to sleep at night or I’ll be tempted to keep sleeping in the morning…”

“Random and stupid things are going to remind me of her…”

“Some days will be easier than others…”

“On some occasion the heartache and “love spells” might be totally overwhelming… And on others it might be dull pain…”

A strange thing about heartbreak is that its everything from painful flairs ups to dull background pain. The tough part is that when it is at its worst it feels like it will always hurt that much. And when your mind is racing at a hundred miles an hour it can leave you drained and feeling “numb”.

Break up recovery is not a straight line… It’s a zig zag back and forth…This is why some days are worse than others… And why sometimes just when you think the clouds have parted a little bit or that you were begining to not think about it, something random triggers the pain again.

This why guys often will trick themselves into thinking it must be “true love” because otherwise they wou;dn’t be in so much pain…

A broken heart will mend as fast as you allow it…Most guys think they are helpless and that they can’t do anything about being so hung up on a girl… Only to find themselves still not over their ex girlfriend and still living in ther shadow of their old relationship long afterwards.

This way they keep reliving the past and by doing so they keep the pain alive for themselves and they don’t get the chance to let the heartbreak heal.

You can do things to feel better and move on… The only problem is that often guys don’t want to.

Its as if trying to move on and feel better means that you are actually somehow admiting that it is really over.

You can get relief from painful heartache and go through much less pain depending on the conditions YOU create…

Takeaways…

• Don’t ever apologize, feel pathetic or judge yourself for being heartbroken. The more you ignore it or push it off the longer it will stay with you.
• Anticipating the pain will reduce the effect it has on when it actually arrives.
• Try as hard as you can not buy into the illusory feeling of “I’ll feel like this forever…”

Watch the “4 Ex Girlfriend Mistakes Video”

Most guys already know that staying friends with an ex girlfriend is a bad idea…

But usually its not a matter of “knowing” because most of the time guys can’t help themselves regardless.

If you’re breaking up with someone you love then you probably know that the idea of not having her around at all can be really scary…

And that is why when the relationship is ending is the most tempting to rationalize why you and her are the exception, and how the two of you can be cool about being just friends.

Unfortunately most of the time guys are kidding themselves… Seeing her, having her around, still having that connection feels good because she is still in your life. But it makes pain of not being with her WORSE.

Having her around will NOT ease the pain after a break up In fact almost all the time staying friends right afterwards is a form of self torture. It makes the heartbreak you’re feeling worse, and usually it stresses the friendship to point where someone has to end it, whether its painfully sudden or gradual.

Especially when you’re broken hearted, staying connected with her becomes like catch 22…

It can give you some relief from the intense pain to have her around, but when in the end she isn’t yours anymore, the pain just amplifies.

A relationship break up is also a friendship break up. At least for a while… The reality is you can’t change the way you relate to your ex girlfriend just because you change the title. How you feel about her has to changebefore you can be friends with her.

Sometimes this takes months of no contact… And most of the time (honestly) it takes much longer.

Ending relationships is messy… Staying friends right after can make it catastrophic. Really. If you still like her enough to be this heartbroken then the idea of just not having her in your life may seem insane. Especially if you are trying to get over a girl you’ve been together with a long time and she is the one who is ending the relationship. But if you stay friends with her, it won’t feel like friendship.

You’ll find yourself doing and saying things to impress her or get her back.

You’ll still be super-sensitive to her talking about hanging out with or seeing other guys.

And you’ll end up still feeling rejected when she (inevitably) starts making space in her life for other things.

Staying friends can make all the difference between whether you get over her quickly or if you’re still heartbroken in the months to come…

A few more things to consider…

• If YOU initiate the break in friendship your ex girlfriend will respect you more for having the strength to do so.
• At some point, if you still really like her and you’re trying to just be her “friend”, it will make things weird between the two fo you.
• If you wait for her to initiate taking a break, usually things by then will be too far gone to rebuild anything in the future.

Wa

tch the “4 Ex Girlfriend Mistakes Video”

This can be a REALLY HARD thing to accept…

Often a way guys will try to feel better after a break up is to think about how much pain their ex girlfriend must be in and that it is just a matter of time before she sees the mistake she is making.

But if your ex girlfriend is the one who ended the relationship…

If she was the one who left or has been trying to leave for a while…

If she is the one who cheated on you or left you for another guy…

Then she has been dealing with the idea of breaking up and no longer being with you for a while.

Getting over a broken heart feels isolating so it can be tempting to think she is pain too.If that “broken hearted” feeling is as overwhelming as I know it can be, it may be hard to imagine her not being in as much pain. So the more the heartbreak settles in the more it becomes easy to think that anyday now she’s going to come around. And that unless she’s a heartless b*&$! she must be in some agony.

What ends up happening is that this often leads to a false sense of anticipation… That you guys might get back together… Maybe even sometime in the near future.

(All the Hollywood movies, television and music don’t help here…)

All of which set you up for an even more painful broken heart that day when a friend tells you…

Or you see her online profile…

Or worse yet you run into her…

…and you find out she is with another guy.

A sad truth about relationship break ups is that one person is more “over it” than the other…Chances are she didn’t make this decision in an instant although it may have seemed like it. People (including your girlfriend) usually don’t make decisions that way… She probably thought about it… Talked it over with friends… She probably rehearsed in her mind and thought about it over and over again.

What this really means is that she isn’t in as much SHOCK as you are.

Your ex girlfriend is probably conflicted about breaking up… BUT has already found a way to cope… Because she had a head start and because she is further along in the process of moving on, the things that are important and powerful to you won’t be as important to her…

Once you see that she is more “over you” than you are of her, what you expect from her and how you see her will start to change…

What this also means…

• Pouring your heart out, sending emails and reaching out to her are not as meaningful to your ex as you want them to be…
• Because she is conflicted she may very well send you mixed messages or keep doing things to lead you on or keep you around.
• Once you see that she has alread moved on, as painful as it is, it will start to motivate you to do whatever you can to get over the broken heart and not stay hung up on her anymore.

Watch the “4 Ex Girlfriend Mistakes Video”

Especially when things are the most painful its almost impossible not to idealize her.

In fact, the more pain you are in, the MORE likely you are to think about how great things were.

If your break up was sudden and you’re still dealing with trying to accept it…

If your ex girlfriend wanted to leave and you REALLY liked her…

Or if she left you and she is ALREADY with another guy…

Then this just amplifies the intensity of the broken heart and the pain you’re feeling.

Without you knowing it, your mind starts to rewrite history.

This is why so many guys stay hung up on an ex girlfriend that has long since moved on..

This is why they will keep justifiying and rationalizing to their ex girlfriend why they think they should stay together…

And this is why they keep trying to get back together with their ex girlfriend even after she cheated or started dating other guys…

It’s because the pain they are in clouds their mind and elevates everything they remember about their ex girlfriend.

When dealing with the pain of a bad break up your mind distorts how things actually felt with her.The “distortion” just becomes more vivid the more heartbroken you are, and this becomes especially bad when you have those days and you keep walking around and everything reminds you of her. And you start to think about all the things about her that were so great…

So all the little things you remember about her start to take a new meaning…

The places you used to go, her little quirks that only you noticed…

Your inside jokes and the way you could be more “yourself” around her.

The history the two of you have and the connection the two of you have of it that you can’t get anywhere else…

Its so easy to see only those things… And remember the entire relationship as if it was only that…

The best advice on getting over a break up quickly is for you to see that its an illusion… The more you miss her and more imbalanced the decision to break up was (i.e. she left you), the more attractive all of those things about her become.

Guys will spends a huge part of their lives longing for a girlfriend that only exsists in their memory..

While interviewing men about how they handled their last bad break up I talked to a few that ended up getting back together with their ex girlfriends after sometime spent apart.

There is one thing THEY ALL admitted to.

After the first few days and the initial excitement of getting her back, they were surprised how their real experience with their girlfriend didn’t match all the fantasies they had about her while they were broken up.

In short they were actually disappointed by the reunion, even after so much time imagining and anticipating it.

You still can’t get over her no matter how much time passes if she keeps that elevated spot in your mind…It’s incredibly tough at first, especially if you are thinking about her all the time, not to long for those things you liked so much about her.

Don’t get me wrong…

This “illusion” of how great she is more REAL than anything else right now.

But the problem comes when you keep holding onto it…This is how guys keep themselves from healing after a break up… And they stay stuck in

limbo for months or years afterwards.

And of course because of all the ideals we’ve been taught about love and romance we think its somehow romantic to keep hanging on even after things have gotten really bad… But more on that later. So basically what’s important is that…

You’ll save yourself ALOT of pain and get over her faster if you remember that your idealization of her is temporary and it will fade if you allow it…

Takeaways…

• Keep in mind its natural to idealize and you won’t be able to help it for a while. When you can try and notice when you’re doing it.
• Notice that when things seem especially painful and hazy now, your past with her seems even MORE appealing and colorful.
• Remember that this idealization exsists only with you and but NOT with your ex girlfriend, because if she is the one that wanted to leave she doesn’t have the same rosy picture you have.

Watch the “4 Ex Girlfriend Mistakes Video”

Your girlfriend’s reason for leaving probably doesn’t make that much sense…

Even if it does make sense, you’re probably still spending a lot of time wondering why things ended up the way they did.

This is where you can cause ALOT of pain for yourself.

Trying to connect the dots…

Playing detective in your head…

Figuring out where you went wrong.

This is called “rumination.”

Replaying the same stuff over and over again in your head.

And the worst part about it is that once you get started, it’s very hard to stop.

But often what many guys don’t realize is that this is how you add fuel to heartbreak that you’re already feeling.

By constantly revisiting the situation that caused it in the first place.

And this usually only gets really bad when you’re getting dumped by a girl you really like…

After getting dumped by your girlfriend its natural to keep asking why it happened… Whether your ex girlfriend gave you a clear answer or not… Or whether you are still talking to her or not… The reason for the two of you breaking up probably just isnt satisfying… Especially if you’re the one who got dumped by a girl you were still really into.

Whatever reasoning there is behind your girlfriend leaving it still isn’t going make you not want to be with her.

Unfortunately guys often get stuck in the trap of trying to “explain themselves” or even demanding a better explanation from their ex girlfriends…

Only to find that they don’t feel any better afterwards…

AND it didn’t bring them any closer to getting back together with her either.

Clearing up a misunderstanding is NOT going make your ex girlfriend want you back… But it can be really tempting to think so… Most of the time it is never “one thing” it is an accumulation of reasons that your ex girlfriend can’t express very well anyway.

Clearing up one thing is just going to bring up another…

Argueing with her reasons or convincing her to stay with you will only make backfire…

Asking her to give you an explanation is only going leave you asking more question AND feeling worse ..

You have to get over being dumped first… Then things will start to make sense.I think of this as one of the maddening ironies of getting over a broken heart and moving on…

When its really painful and the “emotional fog” is still setting in…

Nothing about what is happening is going to make sense.

Which really is ironic becuase this is when you need them to…

When you get over her and the dust settles a little bit, then you’ll begin to see what happened.

The more time and mental energy you spend trying to figure out why your ex girlfriend left, the longer it will take for you to get over her…

Takeaways…

• The more you look for an answer, the longer it will take you actully start getting over her.
• Asking her to give you another explanation is just going bring up more questions… And more pain.
• Playing connect the dots in your own head is just going to make you focus on HER and elevate her even more.

Watch the “4 Ex Girlfriend Mistakes Video”

RULE #1:

The first few nights and weeks after she’s gone are the toughest…

This is when your mind starts racing with all kinds of ways of getting her back, and you feel this profound edginess compelling you to DO SOMETHING about it.

DON’T.

The biggest reason many guys RUIN their chances of staying friends with their ex girlfriend or rebuilding something later…

…And the reason most guys feel HUMILIATED about it later is because they acted out of desperation.

So whatever you do, don’t be “that guy.”

You know… The guy who keeps call calling, texting, emailing… The guy who begs or cries… The guy who won’t take no for an answer and hangs on at the cost of his dignity.

The guy who confuses being WEAK with “being romantic”…

You start to get over a broken heart when you stop allowing her to make it WORSE for you…

And just about nothing will make you feel more heartbroken then leaving yourself open for her to reject you again.

Guys will often spend so much time fantasizing about how to get back together with their ex girlfriends that they don’t give themselves the space to actually move on and get over her.

One of the toughest parts about trying to get over an ex is that your mind will hardly let you think about anything else… Especially if you really liked her.

The biggest regret that almost all the guys I have interviewed have told me is that they didn’t accept that it was happening… So they kept trying to convince her or show her how important she is. And that not only did they spend most of their time fantazing about winning her back (or getting back at her) but they ended up staying hung up on her long after she had moved on.

While its natural, and for a while it will be almost impossible to not to keep thinking about her, everytime you act on your thoughtsn it will dig in the pain further, you’ll stay fixated on her and you’ll get further away from getting over the breakup and the pain of being heart broken…

Takeaways…

• When you feel an especially powerful urge to call or talk to her, those are the times you are the mostly likely to say or do something you’ll feel stupid for later. DON’T DO IT.
• How you behave now is how SHE is going to remember you. If you keep your composure and walk away with dignity.
• You’ll be far more likely to stay friends with her and she’ll respect you more if you quit while you’re ahead.