fighting-couple

The Harder You Try The More Distant She Becomes

Why is that every time the two of you start texting, again, she trails off so quickly? One minute she’s hot, and the next you keep staring at your phone waiting for a response and nothing…

Sometimes she’s really sweet and it almost feels like the two of you are back together and then she changes and becomes cold and distant. At times, you might not hear a peep from her for days, even weeks.

The harder you try the more distant she becomes. Then, when you finally start to give up hope, it’s as if, she feels it and starts to reach out, again.

You wish she would just tell you what she wants with you.

Why Is She Acting This Way?

If your ex girlfriends behavior has become cryptic and you can’t seem to figure out the right thing to say or do around her to get her back or at least be consistent in seeing and talking with you, there’s something that she isn’t telling you.

If you and your ex girlfriend are still seeing, talking, or texting then she’s telling you there’s still a chance for you and her.

You’re On A Trial Basis

The reason she keeps coming in and out of your life, and performing this wishy washy behavior is because she wants to know if she can still consider you as an option. She wants to know if you are still boyfriend material.

If she was completely done with you then she would have already cut you out of her life completely. If she still acts like your girlfriend sometimes, flirts, or gets intimate with you then she’s still trying to figure out how you fit in her life.

What She Wants To Say But Can’t

Here’s the kicker!

Maybe some part of you sees that she’s still interested so you jump on acting like her boyfriend, again. You start giving her what she wants, doing really nice things for her, showering her with affection, being there for her every time she calls or texts. You want her to know that you’re there! You want her to know that you’re hers.

Some part of her really appreciates the sweet and nice things that you’re doing for her. There is another part of her, though, that’s operating underneath the surface. A deeper part of her that feels that something is off. Like she’s the one who’s taking the lead, who gets to decide if the two of you are together or not. That part of her wonders why you aren’t! That part of her also wonders why you’re letting her come in and out of your life and not doing anything to stop her or do anything about her disrespectful behavior.

That part of her knows that she has control and what she secretly wants is for you to put her in her place. To tell her like it is, that she’s either in or she’s out and there’s no in-between.

She can’t tell you this, though, because she doesn’t know how. Unless she is incredibly self-aware, she won’t even know that she’s feeling this way. She just knows that her feelings for you come in waves and that she can’t help it.

Drawing A Line In The Sand

If you still think you have a chance with her, yet you see her feelings for you waning and waxing, then it’s time to put a boundary in place.

On some level she wants to know that her behavior is unacceptable, but she’s certainly not going to stop doing what she wants to do. She’s gotten used to the luxury and her freedom.

Drawing a boundary with her simply means, helping curb her behavior, so that you have more control over your situation with her and control over how she gets to be in your life.

For instance, if you’re used to her calling when she needs something and you always being there for her but when you call she doesn’t pick up or doesn’t call you back for days. It’s time to draw a boundary around how she gets ahold of you. How can you make it so that you talk to her on your terms? Do you try picking up only when you’re free instead of dropping everything for her? When she calls can you tell her now isn’t a good time, and ask her to call at a time that’s convenient for you?

What are some ways you can draw boundaries with her, so that she knows that she isn’t the only one running your relationship?

What She Secretly Wants

Taking back control in your relationship and drawing boundaries with her and around her behavior will help her see you in a different light, and help her understand that if she wants to be in your life she will have to play by your rules. This will unconsciously allow her to see you as a strong, powerful man, again. The kind that can take charge of your relationship with her. Which is what she secretly wants.